Too Much

Ok so it's been a while since my last post and there is too much to recap in detail. But here's a quick summary of February: So volleyball continued to get better and I got my leg issue figured out. We went to provincials and got 4th which was sad, but still a huge improvement from last year. One highlight from the last month of volleyball is that I received the First team All-Star award, which was huge for me. I was very excited to recieve it and I am proud of myself for the accomplishments I've made so far. The end of Feb was reading week and I got to go home with Tim and he got to meet the rest of my family which was awesome. We surprised two of my sisters and that was so fun. The drive back was quite the adventure with snow storms and icy roads and closed roads, but we made it back to Abbotsford safe and sound :)

Now it is March and the semester is feeling like it's almost over which is crazy. It goes by so fast every time but I still get thrown off by how fast it goes. This week has been pretty hectic with missing classes on Mon because of getting stuck in the mountains. And having to catch up on that and I had a huge assignment that actually took all day on wed to complete that was due this morning. So Im glad to have that done. The men's volleyball nationals are here at CBC this year too and that started yesterday so the whole campus is just crazy. The guys played against MRU from calgary last night and they beat them in 5 sets. It was so crazy and fun especially because I have my own personal bone to pick with MRU so it was nice to see our guys beat them. It made my night for sure.

Today has been a little crazy. It started out with a crappy night because my roommate decided to have her whole team over for the night without telling me (big surprise there....!). They were noisy until about 3am and I am also sick so that did not help my attempt to get better. And also I had class early this morning so I couldn't even sleep in. Anyways, so I just figured ok it's one night, suck it up, it will be ok. My roommate also left this morning for about 8 days so I figured I could have a nap this afternoon or do whatever because I should have the house to myself. K so I had class this morning and it is intro to counselling. We do little practice type session things in class with groups of 3 and we just talk and practice our skills. So the topic was 'something that you are looking forward to or not looking forward to for this spring/summer once the semester is over'. So we started that and when it was my turn in my group to do the talking I just talked about my unsureness about the summer and as I talked I started to realise how much is on my mind for this. I have two options: 1. Stay in Abbotsford for the summer or 2. Go home to Calgary.

So the pros for #1 are: I get to be with Tim all summer, I like the weather here better, I will hopefuly find a job that I like more, I can live on my own, I can train with the team during the summer, I already live here so most of my stuff is here and i dont have to worry about getting home
The cons for #1 are: I might not be able to make as much money as I would in Calgary, I will have higher costs for living, I won't get to see my family much, I still have to find a job and place to live and its getting down to crunch time, paying for school might become more difficult
The pros for #2 are: I have a good paying job lined up with lots of hours, I can live at home and it costs less, I get to see my family, a job and place to live is lined up already
The cons for #2 are: I do not get to see Tim very much, I do not enjoy the job that much that I have lined up, the weather is not as great as in BC, I wont be living on my own (which I am getting used to now), I cant train with the team, I dont have a way home.

Anyways, so those are some of the things that are running around in my head right now and I do not know what to do. I feel as though my heart wants to stay in Abbotsford and thats what I truly want to do, but going home is easier because its figured out pretty much and I will probably make more money.

On to the next "fun" topic of the day: So I get home from class and I'm chillin and someone comes into my house (it was locked). So I go out and a guy on the bball team and his gf are here and I ask how they get a key and why they are here. Apparently my roommate who left for 8 days gave them her key and told them they could LIVE here while shes gone. And she never asked me or our other roommate. I am just really upset because first of all, I do not think its a good idea for them to both sleep here and also I was never asked. They are going to use electricity and hydro whatever and stupid things like toilet paper but its a big deal to me because I do not have the extra money to pay for them to live here. I am getting so sick of not being considered. It makes me feel like a stranger in my own place. Like I have to hide in my room and thats not fun or right.

K so ya thats whats on my mind.

A verse that comes to mind with all the future things on my mind is:

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." -Matthew 6:33-34a

I think I've used it before on a previous post but it's a good verse :)

Yucky week

So this week was a pretty crappy week. I was just all over the place emotionally and half of the time I did not even know why. There are just a whole bunch of things on my mind that I cannot get rid of ever. I don't even like my classes this semester so there's nothing to look forward to there. And as far as volleyball goes, well Monday sucked because we had to run a lot because a few of the girls were late last weekend and that sucked. The next morning we had team workout and my legs (outer quads) were feeling very sore. But I worked out and it was a lot of leg stuff like squats and such and that was quite painful and i thought they were just sore. Then in practice on Tues and Wed I did a whole bunch of jumping.. it felt like more than normal but it probably wasn't but my legs just kept getting more sore. And then for our games yeaterday and today they hurt so much. I had to just will myself to jump sometimes because they did not want to. This was a struggle and I do not know how to fix it. I cannot stretch them and rolling them made it hurt more. And I'm not sure if heat or ice is a good thing for it either.
Anyways, so we won yesterday which was great and we played well so that was fun. Today we also won, but did not quite play as well. And the second half of the game was very hard for me. First of all my legs were starting to hurt more and more and then my coach yelled at me. He singled me out and yelled so loudly at me. I'm sure the whole gym heard it. It sucked and because of the emotional roller coaster I had this week and the pain I was in, it almost pushed me over the edge. It took all that I had not to cry right there and for the rest of the game I had to really hold the tears back. He apologized to me after the game which was nice but it was still difficult to handle when it happened. I just really hope that next week will be better. This is one verse that helped keep me going this week :) God is so good!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." -Romans 8:26-30

Oh and something I forgot about, I was named the Pacwest (thats my league) athlete of the week. Which was really cool because I have never received any sort of recognition ever before. Most people are surprised when they hear that but its true. However it didn't feel as if I even got it because the rest of the week was not so great and it kinda overshadowed it. And everyone has most likely forgotten about it by now anyways.

New Year

What is the purpose of a blog? To write about our thoughts and feelings and let it all out. So what do you do when the one thing that you want to talk about is also the one thing that you cannot talk about? Christmas break is over, it's a new year, and school is starting again. And volleyball is back in full swing (literally lol). I am excited for school to be starting up again because I am slightly a nerd and I happen to love school and I am so stoked for volleyball to be going again.

A lot of things have been difficult however because I have a lot on my mind and I am not able to talk about it. I get distracted easily and I have become very forgetful which is not like me. Some things will randomly make me cry and it comes so out of the blue sometimes. The past week back at volleyball has been very frustrating becuase something is just off for me. My coach even noticed and asked to meet with me becuase he could tell that something was wrong. The problem is is that I do not know how to fix it. I try to focus on just volleyball and the thoughts that are going through my head are volleyball related but then I find myself thinking about nothing and feeling zoned out. I want to do my best, but I just can't stay focused on it and its so incredibly frustrating!!! I just really hope that this doesn't affect my schoolwork too and my ability to focus in class.

       Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,   present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7