So another day has come and gone. With the craziness of school and volleyball right now, time seems to fly by so quickly. One moment it's Monday and I have a whole week to look forward to and the next moment it seems like it's Thursday (almost) and the weekend is upon me. Within all this craziness I have so many different thoughts running through my head. I have quite a few big papers coming up really fast and I need to get working on them ASAP. I have a group project that's due on Tuesday and I have to meet with my group soon. I have extra meetings here and there for various things, like coaching club volleyball next semester and team time for volleyabll. I have to prepare my testimony to share with my team tomorrow night and we have two games this weekend that I am thinking about as well that would be really nice to win. I hurt my shoulder a couple weeks ago and I went to physio on Monday for it and that went really well but my shoulder is still sore a lot and I cannot use it 100% yet so that is very frustrating and I really just want it to feel better. On Saturday we will be missing two of our key players and we are already missing one of our vets so that one should be interesting. I am still waiting on student loans to come through so I am pretty stressed about that because I need the money desperately and if I do not get it, I do not know what will happen. I am also still thinking a lot about my Pake (Grandpa) because he was in the hospital for a number of weeks and is finally out now but he is still in need of prayer for strength and healing. I am always thinking anout my Mom and sisters and Dad and how I miss them. I miss my family a lot more than I did last year. I think this is because last year everything was still so new and exciting whereas this year, as it is still fun, it is not new and I am definitely used to my schedules and such and I find myself missing my family more than before. Of course, boys add stress to the situation. All the 'does he like me,' 'should I talk to him first or not', 'what is he thinking' type of questions are there all the time. As far as volleyball goes, this week has been probably the best week for practices thus far, however I find myself getting frustrated more than I ever have with different things which does not make sense. The team has been working so hard, yet I am seeing only the parts that are not quite there yet. Maybe it's good to know what we still need to work on, but I think it's important to acknowledge the things that have improved greatly. As one of the captains on the team, I am finding that there are certain things that I have to deal with that I would not have had to deal with if I were not a captain. I am happy to be in a leadership position, and I am loving is so far, but some of the things that need to be addressed are not the easiest so I am having to look for the confidence, strength, understanding and care of a good leader. I am also finding that I am very emotional at the end of each day, more so than I usually am. I am pretty sure that part of this has to do with the fact that I have a lot of things on my mind so that makes me stressed out. And I am a week late for my period (sorry for the bluntness) and I think that is because I have been stressing which can make it fluctuate and now I'm stressing about why I'm not getting it so that's making it delay even more. Also, due to my business and stress, all my back muscles are super tight and my shoulders and neck and that is causing my whole back to be more sore than usual and I really just want a two-hour massage cause that would be wonderful. I also am trying to figure out when and if I am going home before or after Christmas. This depends on the student loans coming in and if I can get some cheap flights. I find that I am starting to forget things here and there that I usually do not forget. Like sending birthday cards on time, I forgot to bring my travel mug home from service practicum, I forget about meetings until the last minute, I forget to keep in touch with certain people that I really need to make an effort to talk to regularly. Even just writing this blog, which is helpful because it allows me to get everything on my mind out of my mind, but it also just piles all my stresses in a big tower that looks so tall right now that I cannot see the top and it is so overwhelming, I just want to cry. I know that crying will make me feel better, but at the same time, I do not want to cry becasue I want to be superwoman; I want to be able to handle it all. I think I have taken on this "superwoman" mindset this year and I am not sure yet if it is a good thing or not. It could be good because I am taking charge and becoming a leader, which includes more responsibilities, but on the other hand, I need to be careful not to take on more than I can handle.
Well, I think that is it for now. I have no idea if any of what I just wrote makes any sense, but I do not care enough to go over it and check. It is just my rant of what's on my mind. This may sound really depressing, but it really isn't. Yes, I am stressed out right now, but it is a part of life. I am very happy with my life and I do enjoy the things that I am doing (school, volleyball, being a leader, etc). I am admitting to having weaknesses. We all have them, and I know that it is ok. A verse that has stood out for me in the past few months is:
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:10
Yes, I have weaknesses, I have felt insulted at times, I have dealt with hard situations, I have had difficulties and even persecutions (nto as much of these, especially at a Bible college, but we all experience it in some way or another, large or small). But despite these weaknesses, I KNOW that through Christ, I am strong. This is the title of my blog and it is so true.
Another verse that has been important to me this year is:
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." -Matthew 6:33-34a
This one reminds me not to worry. Even though I have so much on my mind and so much to do, I am reminded to take everything one day at a time because it does no good to worry about what will happen tomorrow. All I have is right now, and right now, I have Christ!!!
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